All women of “uncertain” chastity must be off the streets by 9 p.m.

Bathing in city fountains is prohibited.

Sec. 39-82. Washing in, tampering with, etc., fountains. Any person who at any time washes his hands, face or feet in any of the fountains in the city or obstructs the flow of water into the same or in any manner tampers with or abuses such fountain or its fixtures shall be punished as provided [...]

Bear wrestling matches are illegal.

Section 13A-12-5 Unlawful bear exploitation; penalties.

(a) A person commits the offense of unlawful bear exploitation if he or she knowingly does any one of the following:

(1) Promotes, engages in, or is employed at a bear wrestling match.

(2) Receives money for the admission of another person to a place [...]

Blue jeans are illegal on Noble Street.

Courting couples must not hold hands while dining in a resturaunt.

Elephants must not be placed in electric ovens.

Picture thanks to: JAW-SHOE-WHAH

Face masks may not be worn in public.

If an animal control officer is in uniform, it signifies to the public that he is an animal control officer.

Sec. 4-4. Resisting, interfering with, etc., animal control officers.

(a) It shall be unlawful for any person by any physical act to interfere with, resist, molest, obstruct, hinder or impede any animal control officer in the discharge of such officer’s duty or to assault, attack, strike or to use any type of physical force toward [...]

In a divorce, women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage. This provision does not apply to men.

Section 30-4-1

Separate property of wife – Property held prior to marriage or acquired after marriage.

All property of the wife, held by her previous to the marriage or to which she may become entitled after the marriage in any manner, is the separate property of the wife and is not subject to the liabilities [...]

Incestuous marriages are perfectly legal.

Section 30-1-3 Issue of incestuous marriages not deemed illegitimate.

The issue of any incestuous marriage, before the same is annulled, shall not be deemed illegitimate.

(Code 1852, §1945; Code 1867, §2334; Code 1876, §2673; Code 1886, §2310; Code 1896, §2840; Code 1907, §4880; Code 1923, §8994; Code 1940, T. 34, §3.)

It is a criminal offence call a policeman, “Shitface”.

It is against the law to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a motor vehicle.

Section 32-5A-53

Obstruction to driver’s view or driving mechanism.

(a) No person shall drive a vehicle when it is loaded, or when there are in the front seat such a number of persons as to obstruct the view of the driver to the front or sides of the vehicle or as to interfere with the [...]

It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

It is illegal to flick boogers into the wind.

It is illegal to impersonate a member of the clergy.

Section 13A-14-4 Fraudulently pretending to be clergyman.

Whoever, being in a public place, fraudulently pretends by garb or outward array to be a minister of any religion, or nun, priest, rabbi or other member of the clergy, is guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine not exceeding $500.00 or [...]

It is illegal to intentionally maim oneself to escape duty.

Section 13A-14-1 Maiming one’s self to escape duty or obtain alms.

Every person who, with design to disable himself from performing a legal duty, existing or anticipated, shall inflict upon himself an injury whereby he is so disabled and every person who shall so injure himself with intent to avail himself of such injury to [...]

It is illegal to marry any animal that is not already a relation.

It is illegal to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

It is illegal to ride bicycles on interstate highways.

Sec. 39-13. Pedestrians, bicycles, etc., prohibited on certain interstate highways. It shall be unlawful and an offense against the city for pedestrians to be upon, or for any person to operate a bicycle, a nonmotorized vehicle or a motor driven cycle of less than ten (10) horsepower, on any part of Interstate Highway 10 and [...]

It is illegal to spit in public.

Section 9.08.010 Spitting.

It is unlawful for any person to spit upon the sidewalks, or upon the floors of places of worship, buses, public halls, theaters or other public places. (Ord. 63A § 3-12, 1977)

It is illegal to spit orange peels out on to the sidewalk.

Sec. 39-76. Spitting or throwing fruit skins, etc., on sidewalks, etc. No person shall spit or throw fruit skins, parings or peelings upon any sidewalk in the city or upon the floor of any bus operated within the city or in any public elevator, public building, public theater or public hall or upon any walkway [...]

It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone’s pity.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache if it causes laughter in church.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Photo courtesy Lize Kraan Photography

Section 13A-12-1

Certain acts prohibited on Sunday.

Any person who compels his child, apprentice or servant to perform any labor on Sunday, except the customary domestic duties of daily necessity or comfort, or works of charity or who engages in shooting, hunting, gaming, card playing or racing on that [...]