A baby girl must not be Christened “Paddy”.

A man can force any single woman to marry him is he discovers her picking her nose while sitting in a car at traffic lights.

All bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

All businesses entering into contracts with the city must sift through their records and report any business they had dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.

Slavery Era Disclosure Ordinance (Source: Downey, Sarah. Slavery Disclosure Time. Newsweek. January 27, 2003.)

Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.

Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland’s streets.

Believing in more than 3 gods is a criminal offense.

Bowling is forbidden.

Eating in a place that is on fire is against the law.

Hens that wish to cackle must be at least two hundred feet away from any residence if they wish to avoid being arrested.

Humming on public streets on Sundays prohibited.

Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.

If one wishes to plant new sod in his or her yard in the summer months, that person may not use the city’s water to water it.

In Illinois, animals can be sent to jail.

A monkey once served 5 days in a Chicago jail for shoplifting.

It is against the law for a man to wear his wife’s panties on a Sunday unless he has prior permission from the Bishop.

It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

It is against the law to speak English in Illinois.

It is against the law to use a slingshot unless you are a law enforcement officer.

It is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.

It is illegal to burn bird feathers.

Sec. 4-23. Burning of animal matter; prohibited. No person shall burn any feathers, hides or any other animal matter within the corporate limits of the city. (Ord. No. 84-935, ? .10, 2-20-84)

It is illegal to drive a car without a steering wheel.

It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

It is illegal to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

It is the against the law for a woman to strike a man across the left cheek with a glove.