Stupid Laws in Illinois

A baby girl must not be Christened “Paddy”.

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A man can force any single woman to marry him is he discovers her picking her nose while sitting in a car at traffic lights.

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All bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

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All businesses entering into contracts with the city must sift through their records and report any business they had dealing with slaves during the era of slavery.

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Basketball hoops may not be installed on a driveway.

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Bees are not allowed to fly over the village or through any of Kirkland’s streets.

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Believing in more than 3 gods is a criminal offense.

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Bowling is forbidden.

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Eating in a place that is on fire is against the law.

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Hens that wish to cackle must be at least two hundred feet away from any residence if they wish to avoid being arrested.

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Humming on public streets on Sundays prohibited.

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Ice skating at the Riverside pond during the months of June and August is prohibited.

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If one wishes to plant new sod in his or her yard in the summer months, that person may not use the city’s water to water it.

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It is against the law for a man to wear his wife’s panties on a Sunday unless he has prior permission from the Bishop.

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It is against the law to make faces at dogs.

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It is against the law to speak English in Illinois.

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It is against the law to use a slingshot unless you are a law enforcement officer.

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It is illegal for barbers to use their fingers to apply shaving cream to a customer’s face.

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It is illegal to burn bird feathers.

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It is illegal to drive a car without a steering wheel.

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It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

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It is illegal to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.

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It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

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It is the against the law for a woman to strike a man across the left cheek with a glove.

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It is unlawful for “negroes” to be within county boundaries from sundown to sunrise.

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